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Taking Stock of Happiness

By Howard Slacum

Are you happy?

It seems such a simple question for those who ask it. But to those asked, the answer is often given with uncertainty and a disturbing sense of paradoxicalness.

In these moments, we act as though our life is a checking account we must quickly balance before answering. We add the income of things that makes us feel good, subtract the expenses of unpleasantries and stare at the balance. On paper, it makes sense and we give our answer. But despite our accountant-satisfying math, we still do not feel happy. Why?

Before I answer, you must understand something: emotions are truths not bound by the decrees of our logic. Concluding you should be happy does not mean you are. For now, send your emotional accountant on vacation—his babbling will only confuse you.

Since feelings are truths, your feelings are not the problem. That leaves only the question as our culprit of confusion.

“Are you happy?” is asked so often that it has become an instant benchmark. But people seldom ask when someone appears happy.

A Stock Assessment

Pretend that you are about to retire. Five years ago you realized you had not saved anything for retirement. You got a “hot tip” and desperately invested everything into 10,000 shares of ACME Computer stock. You just saw that the stock has lost ten points? Are you broke?

Of course, it depends on what has happened over the past five years. If the stocks were worth $100 each when you bought them and have gone up an average of $20/year, you still have $1.8 million saved for retirement. If they were worth $100 each and yesterday they were worth $15, you are suddenly down to $50,000—and that adds up to broke if you need to live on it for the next 20+ years.

The problem is that when asked if we are “happy” we try to define our emotional net worth by looking at our short-term emotional value—which has been asked when our short-term emotional value has gone down.

The Bulls and Bears of Emotions

When stocks steadily rise and things look favorable, it’s called a Bull market. When they keep dropping and the future looks unfavorable, it’s called a Bear market. A prolonged Bear market can lead to a depression.

Like monetary stocks, our emotions have their ups and downs. When things are generally going well and the future looks favorable, you will feel Satisfied. When you are repeatedly knocked down and it seems impossible to get back up, you are Depressed. As with stocks, to get an accurate picture you have to take a longer view than this moment. And you have to look at the indicators to see what is really happening.

Being “happy” is nothing more than an emotional indicator. It is a short-term rise in your emotional state and net worth. Having dinner with friends, going to a movie or playing with your child can add to the overall feeling of being Satisfied. Euphoric moments—the birth of a child, falling in love or laughing until you hurt—are sharp spikes in your emotional stock.

Being “unhappy”, sad or grouchy is simply a short-term dip in our emotional state and net worth. Sometimes, the baby that makes you happier than you have ever felt will do things that drain you of patience. The euphoria of love can be followed by a painful break-up. The sitcom that has you laughing may be interrupted by breaking news that angers or saddens you.

Take the Long View

If someone asks, “are you financially ready to retire?” you cannot look at only how much your stock has gone up or down today. Even the most prized stocks have their ups and downs. Saving for retirement takes a long-term view to be successful.

If someone asks, “are you happy?” send your accountant away. What is your real emotional net worth?

Odds are you are not happy now—and that’s OK. In truth, today may be horrible. So might have been yesterday and the past few weeks—but how long have you been trying to build a satisfying life? Look back at the past day, week, month or even years. Use paper and a colorful pen and / or ask a friend to help you find some of those deposits of happiness that you may not remember making. (It’s okay if you forget to deduct some of the unpleasantries—the IRS won’t come looking for you!)

Some of those emotional bills may have been necessary expenses that helped you in the long-term. A well-lived life needs the downs for numerous reasons. Among them, they can be gifts to teach us lessons we need to learn to reach more moments of happiness. They add perspective to the value of the up moments. They enable us to help others cope with their downs. Find their hidden dividends.

Then invest in what makes you happy.